And we’re off! The 10th season of The Bachelorette kicked off Monday and I’m as excited as ever. Each season I make my pick in the first episode and last year Andi was my selection. I’m excited to see what she’ll do although I have to admit, I thought her blow up at Juan Pablo was a little high maintenance. Yeah, yeah, yell at me. I’m not defending Juan Pablo as I think he was a D-bag, but I think her dramatic departure and confrontation were also a little bit unnecessary. That being said I still love her, think she’s beautiful and like seeing this career woman in charge.
This season, I actually think Chris’s statement might be true for the first time and it just might be the “most dramatic Bachelorette ever” because very sadly, my first impression rose goes to Eric. He was rugged and respectful. His job title was “Explorer.” Sign me up already. Then, he gave her dolls from his adventure to the Andes Mountains and says, “a little girl gave them to me and told me to give them to my girlfriend and I didn’t have one at the time and maybe this is jumping the gun but these are for you.” I would’ve said, “That’s a wrap. Show’s over. Will you accept this final rose?” Not to mention, the dolls were from the Andes Mountains and her name is Andi. I mean, come on, that’s meant to be.
There is so much I could talk about in this first episode but let’s focus on some of the most memorable first impressions of the night. First out of the limo, we have Marcus. He’s a Sports Medicine Manager from Dallas who says he has a “lot to give and offer.” She’s clearly smitten by him but I’m not sold. She says, “the piercing eyes…he’s hot, he’s hot.” Then we learn he not only has Texas values but he was European raised. Polish is his first language but he speaks German, but just a little. He says, “Ich sprechen bissen keine Deutsch” meaning I speak only a little German. Well, I took German in high school for three years and only remember two things-my name, Yawt Yawt and the phrase “Herr Moore hat nein Schnitzel”-which translates to, “Mr. Moore has no d%#@.” No, schnitzel is not the direct translation for d%#@, but the definition of schnitzel is a boneless meat. You see where I’m going. Why did I learn that? Because our high school German teacher, Mr. Moore, allowed us to say whatever we wanted including swearing/talking vulgar as long as we learned how to do it in German. Thank you Nebraska education. But I digress..
Speaking of Nebraska, my next favorite, next out of the limo and from a state next to Nebraska is Chris, the farmer from Iowa. He maybe didn’t come off the best at the beginning but I think there is gold in there. He’s shy and us Midwesterners don’t do the best in those types of situations, but give him time and I think his true colors will shine.
My other two favorites were Carl the Firefighter and Josh M. the Former Pro Baseball player. I know, a firefighter and a baseball player, the cliché ones the girls always fall for-hey, blame my dad for taking me the College World Series every summer as a little girl and starting my obsession with baseball pants (and butts)-but I’m hopeful these guys will turn out to be different. Carl pulled a sweet move and gave her a globe saying, “This is where we started our journey.” Josh M. seems to be different than the stereotypical athlete as well-although maybe I’m as naïve as Andi and she’s getting it right when she says that’s normally the guy “she’s attracted to, but I’m single so maybe there’s a new type.” Maybe there is. That guy is my wildcard vote. He’s the one that I wouldn’t normally be attracted to but there is something about him that intrigues me. The wildcard vote goes to Stoked Steve, the 30-year-old Snowboard Product Developer from Encinitas. How can you fault someone who is just “stoked to be here?” I like his laid back attitude and if all romance fails he is someone I would go surfing with and then after enjoy some Pacificos over a bonfire on the beach. Right dude? Rad.
Now, for the no ways. There are always those ones who just, bless their hearts, try to do too much with their first impressions. We have Jason, the Urgent Care Physician, who says, “I can make a diagnosis just by looking at someone…I think you have a fever because you look pretty hot.” To him I say, “I think you have gonorrhea because you are going to be gone before we-ah-see-ya.” Then there is Cody, the personal trainer who decided to push the limo up the hill. I loved Andi’s response when she said, “I’m a little nervous. You’re a personal trainer and out of breathe already.” Rudie’s attorney humor was just painful. Then there’s Tasos. His first impression wasn’t actually that bad and he won Andi over with the key and the bridge stunt (he must watch The Amazing Race), but I’m sorry, I didn’t really pay attention. The name made me think of tacos and I was dreaming of Casa Vega. But the Worst of all the Worst Awards goes to…Emil. Emil says, “It’s Anal with an M.” Andi says, “I’ll never forget that.” Neither will we.
In typical Bachelorette fashion there was also the strange ones. We saw the return of Chris Bukowski from Season 8, otherwise known as Creepy McCreeperson. So glad Andi didn’t let him in the house although it might’ve made for good TV and been the first Slasher edition of The Bachelorette. Closing out the crazies was Josh B. and his bitter rant upon learning of his departure. How someone can be that angry after one night at a beautiful house with some wine is beyond me, but yeah, you just go enjoy yourself and “take some vacations.” We’ll celebrate not having to watch you again.
In a class all his own was JJ. I was so excited to be able to root for a fellow JJ but I just got thrown by the pantsapreneur occupation. What exactly is that? Guess we shall see.
That sums up this first episode of The Bachelorette. On a general note I would also say please no more opera singer contestants. Ever. Don’t get me wrong, I loved Sharleen’s wardrobe and thought she was beautiful and classy, but her kisses were the most awkward kisses in history and we don’t need to witness any more opera serenades. Maybe a great country or R&B artist next?
Here’s hoping that Andi finds her fairytale ending and a romance like her parents who have been married for 30 years. I think she’s right when she says, “falling in love should be fun.” It should be. She also says about this journey, “I think I’m going to find the love that’s indescribable. I just have a feeling that it’s there and it’s waiting for me. I don’t need it, but I want it enough to go get it. I want to have fun WITH somebody. I want to share my life WITH somebody. I just want a partner to do all that stuff with.” Very well said Andi. Go get it! We’ll be watching.